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How should we handle teenage bullies?

Posted by Samantha on October 21, 2013 in Bullying, Consequences, Criticism, Punishment, Responsibility, Teasing

Pupils at a school in Yorkshire have assaulted at least 6 of their fellow pupils in an unofficial “Kick a Ginger Kid Day”. The school have called the acts “deplorable” and have “acted swiftly to send a strong message”.  It seems the pupils involved have been strongly reprimanded.  Furthermore, there has been a school-wide warning […]

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The Naughty Step is traumatising our children

Posted by Samantha on October 20, 2012 in Boundaries, Connection, Consequences, Discipline, Punishment, Time Out

This week the participants on my Update Your Parenting workshop were discussing the use of Time Out and the Naughty Step.  I was reminded once again of how much Supernanny has impacted parents since she first aired in 2004.  Just about everyone attending the workshop was using some version of Time Out. My advice to […]

 
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Should you punish disrespectful behaviour?

Yesterday, my daughter taught me another great lesson. If we fail to discipline our children for being disrespectful, we are not serving them well. Nia tried Judo for the first time yesterday.  She loved it.  However, afterwards, she was cranky and rude to me.  I told her that hunger and tiredness were no excuse for […]

 
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Handling disrespect and backchat

Posted by Samantha on February 8, 2012 in Consequences, Discipline, Punishment, Respect

In our family it’s been a real challenge to find consequences that we can live with and that at least appear to fulfil the requirement of teaching rather than punishing. In the real world negative behaviour is followed by naturally occurring negative consequences.  In families this often takes the form of: children behave badly, parents get upset, then […]

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Should smacking be illegal?

Posted by Samantha on January 31, 2012 in Anger, Discipline, Punishment

So I’m about to wade into one of the most controversial parenting topics there is: should smacking children be made illegal? Here’s the article that has forced my hand: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2y42Xx/www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/spanking-kids_b_1241521.html For the record, I don’t like the tone of this article.  My position is that smacking children is wrong.  I also think it would be […]

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Stop pestering me!

Posted by Samantha on December 13, 2011 in Boundaries, Discipline, Parenting Dilemmas, Punishment

I heard a good story recently about a Mum who used boundaries really effectively to improve a situation that involved two children, some manner of computer game and a lot of pestering. It seems that this family worked out that the children would be allowed play the games console for a couple of hours on […]

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Scolding and lecturing don’t work

Posted by Samantha on October 13, 2011 in Change, Disapproval, Discipline, Punishment

Parents deceive themselves when they think they are getting through to kids when they scold, lecture, humiliate and punish. Jane Nelson, Riki Intner & Lynn Lott I write as a parent who scolded, lectured, humiliated and punished despite being on the receiving end of those as a child and vowing I wouldn’t do it to […]

 
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What really matters?

Posted by Samantha on October 4, 2011 in Consequences, Discipline, Letting Go, Mistakes, Punishment

 Ask yourself this question: “Will this matter a year from now?” Richard Carlson, American psychotherapist and author (1961 – 2006) This is such great, simple advice.  How can we make it work for us in our daily lives as parents? So often, in the heat of the moment, when we’re dealing with children, everything can seem […]

 
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When your child says “I HATE you!”…?

Posted by Samantha on August 23, 2011 in Boundaries, Connection, Empathy, Feelings, Parenting Dilemmas, Punishment

Yesterday, after I picked my daughter up from camp, I spent the next few hours fielding a variety of childish behaviour that ranged from a mildly off-putting bossy tone of voice, through an assortment of teenage-style eye-rolling, right up to the entirely unhelpful “I hate you”.  For those who need a reminder, she’s five. A […]

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