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Letting them hate you

Posted by Samantha on September 23, 2013 in Anger, Parenting Dilemmas, Relationships

Right now, at this precise moment in time, my daughter is hating me.  She doesn’t “not mean it”.  She doesn’t “not understand”.  I won’t let her do what she wants (Watch a movie).  So she’s mad at me. She was sticking out her tongue at me and making raspberry noises 5 minutes ago.  So I put […]

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Stuck for acceptable consequences? Try lines…

Posted by Samantha on September 20, 2013 in Anger, Boundaries, Change, Character, Conditioning, Consequences, Discipline, Respect, Responsibility

“I will not burp in class.” Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, episode 3 I recently told the story of how I happened upon a new consequence for ridding my house of pestering: the consequence for persistent pestering would be to write a gratitude list of things-mummy-has-done-for-me-lately. It worked. But this is actually part of a wider […]

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Do you shout when you get mad?

Posted by Samantha on February 15, 2013 in Anger, Conditioning, Consequences, Feelings

My experience working with parents has shown me that lots of us use dumping (think ranting/shouting/lecturing) as a way of managing our uncomfortable feelings. Learning how to stop dumping my own feelings (on my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, my friends) has been one of my most uncomfortable and difficult lessons in life. […]

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Using consequences with a little toy-thrower

Posted by Samantha on June 15, 2012 in Anger, Boundaries, Consequences, Discipline, Empathy, Rules

Yesterday I heard a great real life example of how boundaries, backed up with fair and reasonable consequences for violating them, provide a sense of safety for children, which results in improved behaviour. Borrowing an idea that had worked for another parent, this Mom told her young boy – who has developed a habit of […]

 
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Time Out….For Parents

Posted by Samantha on May 10, 2012 in Anger, Communication, Connection, Empathy, Relationships, Self-care

Here’s a story from a Mum I was working with this week. This Mum’s attention was attracted by the sound of her 10 month old daughter crying.  She followed the sound and discovered her two daughters in the bathroom.  The baby’s head and shoulders were covered in talcum powder.  Her four year old daughter was […]

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Should smacking be illegal?

Posted by Samantha on January 31, 2012 in Anger, Discipline, Punishment

So I’m about to wade into one of the most controversial parenting topics there is: should smacking children be made illegal? Here’s the article that has forced my hand: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2y42Xx/www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/spanking-kids_b_1241521.html For the record, I don’t like the tone of this article.  My position is that smacking children is wrong.  I also think it would be […]

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Do you allow your children be angry?

Posted by Samantha on September 14, 2011 in Anger, Change, Feelings

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger….Let a man overcome anger by love. Buddha This is a tough lesson but the truth of it is entirely inescapable. As a child I was taught in religion classes in school that I would be punished FOR my anger.  And […]

 
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Anger is a signal

Posted by Samantha on July 18, 2011 in Anger, Boundaries

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Harriet Lerner, American psychologist and author (b. 1944)   I love this way of understanding anger. I’ve learned to listen to my anger.  And now I’m learning what to do with it once I’ve spotted that it’s there. Sometimes it’s a signal that I need to […]

 
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Anger hurts us all

Posted by Samantha on July 11, 2011 in Anger, Connection, Gratitude

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him.  Louis L’Amour, American author (1908 – 1988)   In the past my rageful episodes with my children would frequently be followed by shame, guilt and remorse.  I […]

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