Anger hurts us all

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him.

 Louis L’Amour, American author (1908 – 1988)

 

In the past my rageful episodes with my children would frequently be followed by shame, guilt and remorse.  I began to understand that after that brief surge of power, an angry episode actually left me feeling more ashamed and more unsure of myself.

Or it might go a different way, and I would stay in shameless denial of the effect of my behaviour on my children.

Or I might stay with shameless justification of my loss of control.

There is no balance in any of these positions.  In all cases, I am less than I had been before.

Today I strive to remain in my authentic centre.  I seek connection with my children – or myself – when some judgement has moved me to anger.  And I understand the difference between feeling angry and acting it out.

When I fall back into old patterns and behave in ways that I am ashamed of, I take care to let that shame be right sized.  Neither I nor my children benefit from an orgy of self-recrimination.  I make amends that are appropriate and then I let it go.

And I practice gratitude that I have come such a long way, and that the moments that bring regret continue to diminish.