Anger hurts us all
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him.
Louis L’Amour, American author (1908 – 1988)
In the past my rageful episodes with my children would frequently be followed by shame, guilt and remorse. I began to understand that after that brief surge of power, an angry episode actually left me feeling more ashamed and more unsure of myself.
Or it might go a different way, and I would stay in shameless denial of the effect of my behaviour on my children.
Or I might stay with shameless justification of my loss of control.
There is no balance in any of these positions. In all cases, I am less than I had been before.
Today I strive to remain in my authentic centre. I seek connection with my children – or myself – when some judgement has moved me to anger. And I understand the difference between feeling angry and acting it out.
When I fall back into old patterns and behave in ways that I am ashamed of, I take care to let that shame be right sized. Neither I nor my children benefit from an orgy of self-recrimination. I make amends that are appropriate and then I let it go.
And I practice gratitude that I have come such a long way, and that the moments that bring regret continue to diminish.
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